Why I said no - and what it taught me about fast work and choosing values over speed
Ever had an opportunity that looked promising on paper, but felt off?
What did you do? Did you go ahead, dismissing the signs? Or did you trust your instinct?
Shortly before I was heading on my not-so-hiking holiday, a new cooperation opportunity fell into my lap.
The difficulty? The deadline to get everything ready was 10 days away. What followed? Super short-notice requests. Details omitted, but then added in a flurry of e-mails. Confusion on what was expected, and when. One-sided contract clauses.
All throughout, I had this feeling that this isn’t right.
And then, as I was navigating Vienna airport security on the way back to London, another email arrived. “We need your answer in the next hour before this e-mail goes out.” A 5-minute-to-noon email about a new detail that I didn’t know about. I felt the frustration rising in my body as I grabbed my crossbag, sweater, and phone from the belt. To my partner, I said: “I need to sit down to answer this e-mail.”
I got a coffee and looked out at the flights landing and taking off on the tarmac. That’s when I decided: this is not how I approach my work.
So, I wrote back and said I’d like to sit down and hash out all the details first before getting involved. That meant saying “no” to this immediate opportunity.
We live in a society that seems to reward moving fast and “breaking things”.
Facebook’s original motto was “Move fast and break things.” Theranos, the company that claimed to revolutionise blood testing with just a few drops of blood, secured hundreds of millions in funding mainly due to its claims and its rapid pace. (At least its founder is now serving a prison sentence for fraud.)
Slowing down is almost the counterintuitive choice.
When everything goes fast, how dare you push the brakes?
You dare if your values or standards are compromised.
Your logical mind is sneaky. It has reasons and counterarguments. What-if-this-is-the-last-opportunity-ever? You need to stay ahead. Speed to market is the sign of the times.
This makes you hesitant to negotiate for a better deal. You don’t raise your voice for fear of rocking the boat on the team. You take this opportunity because this might be the only one.
It takes listening to that voice beyond the ego. If you’re quiet, you can hear it.
But if your mind is loud, racing with thoughts, it might be your body that’s telling you. You might be frustrated, angry, dissatisfied, bored ..…. these are all signals by your body that something’s not right.
In my case, it was frustration and anger. And yet, even while I felt my body was out of alignment, I still went ahead with the thought that it would all end well! I didn’t listen to my Sage voice until 5 minutes before 12.
But in those last 5 minutes while I slowed down, drank my iced latte, stared out at the Vienna airport runway, my intuition reminded me:
1. Your standards/values are the most important to protect
Key areas for me are respect, professionalism, planning, and transparency.
I have a level of professionalism that I’m not willing to compromise on. If I offer a service, it needs to hit that standard.
Don’t compromise for what you want to stand for in this world.
2. No deal is better than a bad deal.
There’s power in saying no to something that feels off, even if it looks like the perfect opportunity on paper. We don’t know the counterfactual of having said no to a bad deal - the problems down the line we’ve avoided. However, I know plenty of examples in my life where I said yes (not trusting my feelings) and then had to deal with the consequences.
Self-trust is something you can’t put a price on.
3. There are more paths and opportunities than we think.
When I started out building my business, I (like many others) followed a set process that a seemingly successful business owner set out. It almost burnt me out. But on the way, as I looked left and right, I saw many other ways things could happen. Now I see the infinite opportunities that are out there. (Yes, FOBO - fear of better options is also a thing!).
Look ahead. Look around. Take another step.
4. What’s meant for you will happen.
Your job, promotion, or big break might not happen now or next week, but it will happen in one way or another, and it will likely look different from what you think.
I’m learning, hard, that trusting the timing and unique unfolding of our lives is key to dealing with the disappointment of not getting what we wanted when we want it.
Your time is coming.
How are you practising self-trust when making decisions?
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